Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Eternally in Denial

I was born in '98, second child to my parents, why they decided to have me, i will never know.
My elder sister is the ideal child, smart,hardworking,emotional. I, on the other hand, lazy,virtually emotionless, never got good grades in school
and very very irresponsible.
Our family was complete, atleast from a third persons point of view.
What makes a family complete?
2 kids, a house and dinner on the weekends?
We had it all, never deprived of anything we wanted,atleast most of the times.
If there was and still is one thing i want most,its peace.
i live in what you can call an emotional warzone.
You know when you sit in the car and wear your seatbelt and it really annoys you because it doesnt feel nice,but eventually you learn to ignore it,
Thats my experience with feelings and emotions. I felt them , i didnt like them, i went into denial.
I knew that if i kept watching my parents fight and kept trying to sort it out and feel bad, i woud never be happy, they weren't going to be anyway.
So i saved my skin. I went into denial, thats made me who i am today, thats literally my forte, going into denial.
I just ignored everything saddening in my life and concentrated on things that made me happy and acted like everything was great.
And eventually,i started believing it.Enjoying the little things.Avoiding the larger ones.
If you know me, you probably judge me to be an extremely happy individual,which after a lot effort, i have become.
i write this from my broken household,in between one of our wars,aloof in my room ,waiting for it to blow over.
And like every other night hoping it does blow over with minimal damage.
                                                                                                                            - K